I don't know why this happens and every time it does happen I get more and more frustrated, but I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I feel like no matter how hard I try nothing ever changes. Financially things keep getting worse and that frustrates me most of all. I'm use to not having extra money and not being able to do fun things sometimes because I have to watch my pennies, but it is so hard to deal with that around christmas time. The past few christmases things have been really bad, last year we didn't get any gifts at all (well actually I got one, it was from my pxpx secret santa) and this year we have a few very small gifts (like lotion, body spray from bath and body works, etc) but barely anything for christmas dinner. I went to the grocery store earlier today to attempt a miracle; buy a weeks worth of groceries and something somewhat special for christmas dinner for three adults with only $50. That was fun.
Now with rent coming up and all of my bills coming due at once, I am again spinning my wheels. My mom got another job offer, the last job she got offered was for a fantastic art job in seattle but they had to let her go after one day because business was bad and they didn't have enough work. That was 2 weeks ago. Now she got offered another job through a temp agency, also an art job, and this one is a temp to hire; meaning after three months the company will hire her on as a permanent employee. Yay! Unfortunately it's too late to help with this month's bills. My aunt, well her old boss still hasn't paid her for her last few weeks of work and it looks like he never will. Her new job won't pay her until the beginning of January. Ugh. Again, too late.
A month from now everything will be much better, but these last two weeks of 2008 and the first two weeks of 2009 are going to suck and be hard to get through. I feel like I have lived through this nightmare already....oh wait...I have. :-/
So this blog isn't TOTALLY depressing, I want to mention somethings that made me smile today. I realized, by what a few of my friends did today, that what I do and say matters to those around me. They didn't do anything huge, and to them it probably didn't even matter, but to me it meant something and made me feel special. Thank you.
The best christmas gift I can ever receive isn't bought in a store or wrapped up in ribbons. It's free and doesn't have a gift receipt. My friends, I love you. :-)
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