everything is gonna be just fine

Hidden Track by Chase Long Beach

"you've got your problems
oh boy well get in line
hey little sister
what's on your mind
we've all got questions
and the answers are hard to find
but if you let us play a song for you
everything is gonna be alright

chase long beach is your friend
chase long beach is your friend til the bitter end
chase long beach is your friend
chase long beach is your friend til the bitter end
we can't give you no money
and none of us can give you a ride
but if you let us play a song for you
everything is gonna be just fine

no worries baby
about your life
we've all got troubles and burdens and bills and heartache and strife
we're all in this together
so relax and let the good times ride
come on let us play a song for you and everything is gonna be alright

chase long beach is your friend
chase long beach is your friend til the bitter end
chase long beach is your friend
chase long beach is your friend til the bitter end
we can't give you no money
and none of us can give you a ride
but if you let us play a song for you everything is gonna be just fine

rised up this morning
smiled with the rising sun
three little birds
sit by my door step
singing sweet songs
oh melodies pure and true
singing this is my message to you, you, you

chase long beach is your friend
chase long beach is your friend til the bitter end
chase long beach is your friend
chase long beach is your friend til the bitter end
we cant give you no money (cause we're broke!)
and none of us is good to drive (cause we're drunk!)
but if you let us play a song for you everything is gonna be just fine"

Summer of '09... so far

This summer so far, has been an amazing summer!

It started off with a trip to CA to help my new roomie, Lindsay, move from Temecula, CA to Bremerton, WA. The trip was super fast, we made it here in record time in our "SUV".



As you can see an Outback Suburaru is not an SUV...it's basically a glorified station wagon. But we made it in one piece and she has been the best roommate I have ever had and is my new partner in crime.



Next, me, Andi and Lindsay drove all the way to Vancouver, WA (pretty much Portland) to meet up with Jen and her new husband Brett. Even though I attended Jen's wedding (obviously, I did a lot of hair and makeup for it) I never really met Brett. Needless to say I was curious to find out what he was like. I figured if Jen loved him, he must be ok. ;-) So after donuts at Voodoo donut in Portland and getting lost trying to go to dinner, we headed back over the stateline to Vancouver to see Tumbledown play. We all felt kind of awkward at the show at first, it was in a industrial complex and it looked as if we were crashing someone's office picnic. But once Tumbledown started we all had a blast. Brett is super funny and seems like a real good guy. The show was the best Tumbledown show I have seen to date and I was very glad I got to hang out with Jen and Brett before they left for a year to Boise, ID (booooo!)







Then the Fourth of July rolled around. I had been super busy with summer school and working full time, that by the time the Fourth rolled around I found myself with no plans at all. My friend Nicole then invited me and Lindsay to a mutual friend's lake house for food, fireworks and fun. It was such a fun Fourth and I ended up seeing a lot of other friends that day too. I also rode a jet ski for the FIRST TIME! So much fun. We topped off the night with fireworks over the lake and all agreed that this had been by far one of the best Fourth's ever.









Next up was Whaling Days. Whaling Days is basically a street fair/carnival and it's always full of good food, beer, rides and live music. This year in addition to the other live bands playing there, Tumbledown played as well. It was hot as hell that day, but me, my mom, my aunt and Andi braved the heat to enjoy the food and music.









So, that's been the summer so far. It's been amazing and so much fun and it's only half way through! Next month there's camping, Warped Tour, BBQ party, and much more. I cannot wait to see how the rest of the summer turns out. I hope everyone else is having as much fun as I am!

I don't care...

I don't care what car you drive, where you live,
If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone,
If your clothes are this years cutting edge,
If your trust fund is unlimited,
If your A-List, B-List or never heard of you list,
I only care about the words that flutter from your mind,
They are the only thing you truly own,
The only thing I will remember you by,
I will not fall in love with your bones and skin,
I will not fall in love with the places you're been,
I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind...

[Your heart is all that matters to me, you should let your guard down more often]

"Runaway with me and don't look back..."

My head is spinning with so many thoughts right now I don't know which end is up. I feel like I'm losing my mind, like I'm trying so hard to keep everything together just to have everything fall apart. I'm lonely, I feel like I don't have anyone sometimes even though I know that's not true. I'm just so tired of trying to figure things out on my own. I'm resisting the urge to pick up and run, to do something incredibly irresponsible and just take off for a while. i feel like if I do that then maybe they will learn how to live like adults and on their own again, but at the same time, if I pick up and leave I will destroy everything I have. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of it all.

I just needed to release these thoughts from my head and put it out to the world, even if no one reads it.

Your wish is my command....

If a genie (yeah I said genie, this is not a logical/ realistic blog ok? ;-) ) came to me right now and said what do you want? What wishes do you want granted? This is what I would say:

1. Pay off all my debt (no more living from paycheck to paycheck!)

2. Get my mom and aunt a job (so I don't have to support them anymore)

3. Buy a house (I would really like to buy the one I currently live in)

4. Finish my cosmetology license (I'm so damn close it's killing me!)

5. Open my salon (I have such great ideas, it would kick ass!)

6. Take a trip to Japan (I'm fascinated by Japan and I must go there someday)

7. Fall in love and get married (and have it last this time)

8. Start a family (Just me, my husband, a few kids and a few dogs)

That's it. I don't want or need anything else. I don't want a million dollars (although if you add up how much all those things would cost, it might have been easier to just ask for a few million dollars haha), I don't want a fancy sports car, I don't want to marry Brad Pitt, I don't want to be a size 0, I don't want to live in a fancy house on the beach will 100 servants and all the fabulous luxuries in the world. I just want those things. Sounds pretty simple right? Then why does it feel like it might take me a lifetime to get any of those things?

Sigh. Back to real life.

Sometimes, I think this is true...

"Every story has an end, but in life, every end is just a new beginning..."

So it's official, I'm out of school until further notice. Coming up with over two grand is not something that is possible right now and things are so tight at home that I really need to work full time (well more then full time, 60 hours a week) to help turn things around. I'm totally bummed, but I know that one day I will go back and I will graduate. No doubt about it. Even though I am not in school right now, I am going to take my State Board Licensing Exam for Cosmetology the week of February 9th. I was signed up to take the test before I knew I was going to leave school, so I might as well get it over with. This is the exam that, if I pass, would make me a licensed cosmetologist in the state of Washington. So at least I will have that out of the way, then all I have to do when I do finally get back in school is finish up my required hours and then get the hell out of there.

So, even though leaving school has really bummed me out, I am trying to be thankful for what I do have. I just got hired at a company in Bremerton working full time, considering how many people are out of work right now, it is truly a blessing that I found a second full time job so quickly. Also, my current job has agreed to let me work only saturdays and sundays, so I can work both jobs at the same time, again I am totally thankful that they are willing to be so flexible with me.

I found out yesterday, at my six month check up at the oncologist, that I am still cancer free and there is no sign or reoccurrence. That makes 18 months since I ended chemo with no sign of it coming back! Yay! The closer I get to 5 years of no relapse, the better. When I do hit the 5 year mark (and I will!), my chance of the cancer coming back goes to almost zero. For that, I am extremely grateful!

Let's see, what else is there for me to be grateful for right now? I have friends I love dearly, a beautiful home, a dog whom I love very much, a wonderfully supportive family, food on the table, gas in the car. I have lots to look forward to this year, celebrating my 27th birthday (seriously?! 27?! Whoa.), lots of upcoming shows, hopefully Lindsay coming to visit soon, getting back into school and finishing, watching a friend get married (and getting the privilege of making her look extra beautiful that day), and so much more that I don't even know about yet. My life may not be perfect, I may be way behind on my bills, struggling from paycheck to paycheck, but the basics are still there. As long as I have that, the rest will come together eventually. I know, with all my heart, that everything happens for a reason. I cannot wait to see what's going to happen next, it's an adventure.

I have faith.