Who would of thought that the pain in my right knee that started four years ago this month would turn into a battle with cancer and a pain that I may have to deal with for the rest of my life. As I type this I am sitting in a recliner in my living room with my right leg elevated, hoping and willing the pain to go away. It's hard to describe it, it almost feels like the inside of bone hurts, like it's cold, like my leg is stiff, like someone took a hammer to my muscles and beat the shit out of me. It's all that wrapped into one leg. The pain doesn't happen every day, I've yet to figure out if it's caused by any certain activity, sometimes it lasts all day, sometimes all night, sometimes just a few hours. All I do know, is it sucks.
I have no pain killers, no tylenol, nothing to take. Not like tylenol ever works anyway. And I think tomorrow, when I see my oncologist for another check up, I'm going to ask for some relief. Something to just make it tolerable. Last time I did that, they shoved a ton of vicodin in my direction and sent me on my way. After 7 months of taking it, I became somewhat dependent on it and when it became time to go off the pills due to an upcoming surgery I was having, I went through full blown withdrawals. That is not something I want to repeat.
All I want, is the pain gone. At least for tonight.
