Never better than now...

Sometimes I forget how much I have going on at the moment and what I am trying to accomplish. For me, I just concentrate on the day to day and I don't really think about everything I've done, I just concentrate on the present. Today I was talking to my neighbor and he really made me realize how much I am accomplishing and gave me a glimpse of what someone else saw when they looked at me.

We were talking about his upcoming move to California and he was mentioning how he loved Bremerton and it will always be his hometown but it was time for a change. Then he commented on how well he thought I fit in in Bremerton, how much I take a hold of the scene here and everything Bremerton has to offer and how he can see me really making a difference in this town. He believes that my future salon will thrive here and he loves that I get involved with the music scene and push people to go to local shows (and I guess he's right...I mean come on, how many times have I bugged you to go to a Tumbledown show? Haha) He also said that I should be proud of myself for going to school 30 hours a week, working 30 hours a week at two jobs and helping my mom and aunt out when I can.

I never really saw it that way. I kind of just thought "well this is my life, no biggie", but I guess to other people what I do is something to be proud of. And to hear that he really believes my salon will be successful is awesome to hear. It's amazing how much you're attitude can change when someone tells you they believe in what you're doing. I always try to do that for other people; whether it's supporting their music, or telling them they are doing great raising their child or telling them they are great at their job, I want others to know that I believe in them. It's nice when the pendulum swings back and someone tells you "I believe in you."

Love is patient, love is kind...

I stole this from a friend's myspace blog...

"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your gut to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street. You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary... not supplementary. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other women and men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her/his choices, and another woman prepare, and a man aware."

Small town minds...

People are really nosy. And they are even more nosy in a small town. Everyone knows everyone's business. I guess you can call Bremerton a small town (I do, I'm from Orange County to me Btown is TINY!) and I guess like any good small town, you know the names of your neighbors, see people you know at the grocery store and have to deal with other people knowing your business. I try to keep what I do clean and drama free so in case things get out about me, it won't be anything bad and so far so good... I guess.

Sometimes I wish I could hear what other people say about me or what people really think when they see me. We all judge ourselves (usually harsher then others judge us) and we are the first to notice our flaws, but do other people notice them? We could think we're total dorks, but do others think we're cool? We could think we're dumb, but do others think we are smart? I was once told that the truth is what you make it to be. If you walk around thinking you are a great person with great talents, then others will think that too. So those "cool popular people" you know in town, are they really cool or are they just pretending to be so others will think they are? What do they really think of themselves? Are they just as insecure as the rest of us?

Probably.

Would you ever get married again?

Most people know that I have been married before. It was to someone I loved very much, but things were just bad and he turned out to be a very abusive man. After almost 5 years of being together, we got divorced. Needless to say, I was heartbroken and felt like a fool and a failure. I felt like I would never get over the divorce and be heartbroken for the rest of my life. Two and a half years later I can honestly say I am over the whole situation, but now there is a new question floating around in my brain: Will I ever get married again? Someone asked me that a few months ago and at the time I said yes I would, but ever since that day I have been thinking about it and now I'm not so sure I would attempt marriage again. So many people get divorced, and the statistics of my second marriage ending in happily ever after is not in my favor. Why subject myself to that again? Do I really need a piece of paper to prove my love for someone?

I don't know if I am thinking this way because of my divorce or if I am thinking this way as a way to protect myself? I haven't been in a real relationship since my divorce and I'm starting to wonder if I will ever be in one again. Maybe this whole "I don't think I'll get married again" thing is me just trying to act like I don't care that I have been single for 2 and a half years.

Almost to the half way-still not done yet-but getting closer mark...

August 23rd I will move on from Module 2 to Module 3. Which means I will technically be half way done with school (there are 4 modules)! YAY! I'll still have 900 more hours to get though, but at least the ball is rolling. I cannot wait to actually get paid for this instead of the school getting all the money. I'm working at a salon in Port Orchard as a receptionist, it's a chain like Fantastic Sams but a little nicer. It's not a bad salon, they do good work there, but it made me realize that that is not the kind of salon I wanna work in. I want something more creative, more alternative, more daring...if I can get that right out of beauty school. We'll see.

No other way to a sailors grave...

[FYI, I did not write this]

Welcome friends
The end is near, death is dear
Gather round and shed a tear
We’re coming closer to accepting the fact
That I have been fast asleep,
You have been fast asleep
Between the fault line of apathy & sin

As I awake to shake the webs of
Exhausted, worthless sleep
I open to an eerie silence
With no dreams

Water buries better than earth
One more gulp will do
There’s no other way to a sailors grave
Than into the depths of green & blue
The tangible dark – all bite and no bark
The two aren’t one in the same.

And then
Around a single grain of sand
An oyster builds a pearl.

All I can say is....

I had so much fun!